For a while now, I’ve been contemplating how to conclude my love themed writing for February. Although the initial plans during commencing seemed like an easy go for me, my competence was tried and tested in many ways - my vulnerability, honesty and almost every single emotion involved.
Nonetheless, I am somewhat grateful for my Saturday doom-scrolling habit on Instagram. My phone’s so dry mostly that its use excites me no more, not even the countless movies I spend my work hours downloading for the weekend. Yet this superfluous habit produced some inspiring results this weekend, one which sparked the idea for my last love-themed writeup for February.
I have a fair idea of how algorithms work on the media apps. But in recent times, I am forced to believe it’s more spiritual than technical. The media knows the deepest parts of your soul.
And I’m not even kidding.
Because, help me understand how on work days, all my content received are tailored to work- work relations, events at the workplace, my not-so pleasant Monday morning mood, ready-to-hibernate Thursdays and the sort.
Then, when the weekend eventually shows, the content just shifts to everything love - relationships, friendships, ‘situationships’, even my ‘solo dolo’ life is well represented in the media I consume. And not to forget the enduring act of surviving loneliness. Bruh!
Direct me to whoever is in charge. We need to have a serious chat!
It’s funny how these algorithms seem to know my heart better than I do. But maybe it’s not just tech—maybe it’s timing. February, after all, has a way of making us confront love in all its forms. And as I doom-scrolled on Instagram, I stumbled upon something that felt less like coincidence and more like a sign: The February Theory.
Safe to say, the algorithm worked out for my good this time.
Prior to watching the video, I had never before, heard anything about this ‘unverified’ theory or its existence. But it’d amaze you to know I had somewhat been living by it. And I’m sure most of you as well.
And I guess it’s just human instincts.
The "February Theory" is a social media trend, especially on TikTok, suggesting that February is a crucial month for relationships. For that I strongly agree! With the whole fuss and idolization of Valentines, it’s fair that a month as such - that holds so much love capacity - is important for relationships. I guess it’s during such a time that you actually KNOW if you’re loved or not! So they say!
The theory claims that relationships started in February tend to last, while breakups during this month are often final. Yet it scares the ‘ton’ to start a relationship in February.
I have heard a lot of people, mostly guys, claim ‘In February women force to be in a relationship in hopes of receiving gifts on Valentines.’ And so most men try hard to shy away from getting into relationships at this time. Should we just blame it on the fact that they might not be able to afford the luxury such women seek?!
Well from the theory, this is one of the best times to get into a relationship. People at this time have so much love to give, it’s best we take advantage of that.
However, it is not scientifically proven but rather based on social speculation and anecdotal experiences. So it’s safe to say everyone of us can have an opinion on what could be and could not.
But for me, I had been living a trend and I didn’t know.
The idea of February's post, although entertaining, was also a turning point for me - a pivotal time for my relationship with them that was addressed. I hoped this time would most likely determine the outcome of my relationship with the people in question.
For me, it wasn’t just about writing on love or sending letters to those I had once liked. It was a moment of truth, a time to either let go or hold on with hope. And come to think of it, it mostly has been.
UNWRITTEN GOODBYES.
There were three men—each significant in their own way—who were meant to receive the letters. These letters weren’t just words on screen; they were my way of finding closure, of acknowledging what was and what could never be. Two of them received theirs, but the last one… well, that proved to be more complicated.
I think he had caught on with what I was planning on doing. He knew a letter addressed to him would mean a moment of truth for me. It’d be time to let go of a love that scared the insides of me. And I doubt he was ready to watch me through some paragraphs, say the simple yet piercing phrase; “I AM DONE” So he specifically asked that I not write to him.
And so I decided not to.
Later on, upon careful thoughts, I deemed it biased on his side. I had only reached out to ‘My Knight in Shining Armor’ to get him on board with the letter addressing him. Mainly because we never had an opportunity to talk things through. I thought it would be fair if he had an in on what all of this was about. Besides, I needed another reading eye to assist with my edits. Double win!
The mystery man I addressed in my second letter wasn’t contacted. I feared what’d become of him if I made him aware of my ‘diabolical’ act. Even when I had the chance to come clean to him, I maybe lied. And I’m left to deal with the consequences of my actions.
In those letters, I said what I said and meant them in every way possible. I openly admitted to my feelings and thoughts about generous men with whom I hold fond memories of whether they agreed to it or not.
And so, In the nicest way possible, I wondered, “why must you have a choice?”
Although I respected your choice, it didn’t ease the longing to let go of what we once were and what we’ve become. Clinging to the hope of rekindling what was has only pulled us further apart.
So here’s a tribute to you; my total obsession. At least that’s what I thought of you.
Your love scared me with its striking arrival. I mistook it for an obsession. The butterflies in my belly took their positions at the mere sight/thought of you. I had fallen too deeply and my defensiveness couldn’t even conceal it.
Everyone around me knew something had changed about me when you were in the picture. What it was, I didn’t know! But I am grateful it happened the way it did.
Loving you challenged me in ways I never imagined. I saw myself do things I’d in no wise had done had it not been for love. Words came so easily to me and I hid away less with you because I could speak my mind and mostly my heart.
But eventually a time came to let go. Because apparently I am a runner. I thought I’d lost that with you but it crept over me. Anxiety set in and perhaps I could have given you a heads up. The butterflies weren’t butterflies anymore but fear. And not by way of abuse. Rather, a fear of the unknown. A fear of the emerging of certain habits I thought were long gone, buried deep in the ground. So, I did what I do best - slowly drift away.
The times we have spent together have only reaffirmed reasons to let go and possibly explore a new dynamic - friendship. And even if that is not on the table for us, I would understand. There’s memories to hold on to and that is at least enough for me. I would gladly cheer you on from the sidelines, making sure my presence goes unnoticed.
Although this seems like a loss, yet, even in loss, love remains. It lingers in the spaces it once filled, teaching us that to have loved at all is a gift. The pain of its departure is proof of its depth, a testament to the moments that mattered. We honor what was, carry its lessons forward, and keep our hearts open to the love that may yet come. Because love, though it sometimes leaves, is never truly lost.
EXISTING IN THE TREND: LOVE, LOSS AND LASTING CHOICES
“The core of the theory suggests that actions taken in February regarding relationships, whether starting or ending them, tend to have lasting consequences.”
I had vaguely decided to use February as a month of new beginnings long before I saw the post on the ‘February Theory’. My decision was strongly influenced by my own thinking that there was a high chance new beginnings at this time would have a lasting consequence. At least so I pray and hope for.
And so I spent most of the month intentionally and unintentionally cutting ties with anyone that seemed like an obvious distraction. And even things and places.
I didn’t hesitate to resist the burning desire to text this guy I had gone on multiple dates with. Man had ghosted for days and I thought I needed a chat! Turns out, I was so invested in nothing. Although I’d written him off, loneliness if not carefully managed and a lot of self-control mastered, can leave you craving mediocrity.
I mean, why was I willing to offer a chance to a man who’d blatantly stated that a committed relationship wasn’t what he was in search of. Also, help me understand, when you asked me to ‘keep an open mind, what was I opening my mind to?’ Having fun?! The same fun that people in committed relationships enjoy but in this case without the burden of commitment?!
Applaud yourself sir, because you really won this time. And I hold nothing against you. I mean it was equally my fault. But thankfully, nature slapped some sense into me and I’m glad that although it took me a while, I got back in shape.
It’s silly to think I deserved some sort of closure when every explanation I needed stood plainly before me the whole time. I had just closed my eyes to it in hopes of appearing as the coolest girl on earth. Well, I’m back with my amassed shame to proclaim that: I am not at all cool. I am as boring as it gets. Take it or leave it!
But with chaos comes clarity.
REFLECTIONS
Through all the chaos, heartbreak, and reflection, one thing stands clear that love never truly disappears. It transforms, finds new forms, and manifests in the friendships and bonds that remain. I have learned to embrace these connections, the laughter shared, the shoulders leaned on, and the quiet understanding between souls who choose to stay.
In the wake of faded connections, others have also emerged, offering companionship in ways I didn’t expect. I choose though to tread carefully, knowing that not all bonds will stand the test of time. I am also learning to appreciate them for what they are in the present.
In my quest to form new connections, I decided to brave the storm and do the one thing I had never done in my years of existence - ask a guy for his contact details. Am I itching to share? OH YES! But I believe now is not the time. Hold your horses and hold mine too, lol!
Love may have left in one form, but it has returned in another, reminding me that even in loss, there is always something to hold on to. And the best we can do is honor it while it lasts
I may have overstretched my course of action. Hence, I’d rather the shame of my actions lingered around less.
At least now, my actions are not driven by desperation to fill a void. I’m glad I haven’t unexpectedly fallen in love with someone. And no ex randomly came back into my life. I think I am settling too comfortably or perhaps becoming over complacent in the space I occupy now. Which might not be healthy for the hopeless romantic that I pose to be, lol!
If the February Theory holds any truth, then the choices I’ve made this month; letting go, holding on, and cautiously embracing new bonds, may shape what comes next. Whether these connections last or fade, only time will tell. But if February truly reveals what love is and isn’t, then perhaps I have found my answer in the shifts that have unfolded.
Love doesn’t just come and go; it leaves an imprint, one that lingers far beyond the month itself.
I believe we all have love to give and so let’s give it freely. To those deserving and seemingly undeserving.
Life’s too short to hoard your love.
Love, NaBi🦋🖤
This is an interesting one.
I love it.
Premium tears reading this🥲