👀... Hey, It's been a while

It feels good to be back.

In my quest to return to writing, I’ve experienced a whirlwind of emotions.

Don’t get me wrong—I’ve always enjoyed writing; I never imagined a day would come when I’d do it without joy. Yet, slowly, I find myself crawling into a hole. This might be me giving myself a firm kick in the bum to escape that dark place.

But hey, that’s not why I’m here. I’m not planning a pity party, so please leave those false invitations behind—you’re not invited.

Let’s catch up rather. It’s been a while.

Budafly, how are you doing?

If you asked me, I’d say I’m okay. I’m content with where I am right now 😌. While I crave better situations and solutions, I firmly believe that “patience is a virtue.” I’m letting life unfold on its own terms, keeping my head up and putting my best foot forward.

What have you been up to?

For me, it’s been a LOT! Feel free to tell me to take it easy, but you know I probably won’t listen.

Let me give you a brief rundown of what “A LOT” really means.

First of all, as some of you know, I returned from 18 months of full-time missionary service in the United Kingdom. For a long time after coming back, I avoided talking about my experience, as if my entire life revolved around it. However, the more I shy away from it, the more I feel disconnected from my Heavenly Father.

Honestly, those 18 months were some of the best and worst days of my life. I had experiences that ran the gamut from the good to the bad and everything in between. I wish I could summarize it all in a simple write-up, but even a lifetime of writing wouldn’t do it justice. Hopefully, in time, I’ll find the right words to help you visualize my journey.

I miss the UK! I didn’t think I’d say that so soon. A part of me became attached to a place I spent many nights crying and venting to God about not wanting to go to. I miss the people, the weather (yes, even that 😆), the quiet neighborhood streets, the beautiful countryside drives, and the genuine concern for others’ happiness. I even miss the ease of finding affordable meal joints (let’s just say the Ghanaian economy took a dive while I was away, so eating out now scares me).

I miss the strangers who became friends and, eventually, family. I miss it all—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

But I digress.

I’ve also moved out of my mum’s house (permanently, I hope). That woman must be exhausted living with six estrogen-releasing humans. She rarely complains, but sometimes you need to take the bold step to give people space.

I’ve always valued my independence. I don’t blame anyone, not even my parents. But try being me for a minute, and you might understand. I thrive on what I call “solo-ization”—a personal term for the art of doing everything alone. Put that in your dictionary!

From my choice of study at university to deciding to serve a full-time mission, it feels like I’ve always dreamed of moving out. I’m too curious to live with my mum, so I packed my bags and took the leap.

Everything was going smoothly until two nights before the big move. I wasn’t just moving for the sake of it; I was chasing my dreams. At least, that’s what they say about moving to big cities—“Chase it all, and chase it big!” Dream job (still looking for that), dream life (um, still figuring it out).

Then came the call from my mum. She didn’t sound excited, and I sensed trouble. I was denied my tenancy lease for reasons only known to my soon-to-be landlord. Somehow, I felt this news was coming. I sighed, hung up, and resolved that no matter what, I was leaving in two days. My priority was figuring out how to fit my life into two suitcases.

Thankfully, I found a place to live and feel safe, happy, and healthy. I won this one with minimal effort—feels a bit like I cheated. But I guess you could say God came through for me, big time!

But here’s the catch: I’m slowly losing my friends. (And yes, I know they’ll come for me for calling them out, but hey, they deserve some spotlight.) Also, I need some drama in my life, so let’s shake things up, shall we?

I thought moving closer to everyone I know would help, but everyone is crazy busy. Count yourself lucky if you have a few friends to hang out with.

I messed up with my best friend, and now things are awkward. I lost my closest girl to a man. Y’all finding love and forgetting your day ones, beware! Unfortunately, I didn’t lose her to love; she formed a friendship with someone I have a complicated history with, making life even messier. Many of my friends have moved far away, and the last one standing casually mentioned he found love, which felt like a gentle nudge to back off. If you asked me what happened, I’d say it all unfolded so quickly that I didn’t have the energy to pick up the pieces, so I let them fall and break.

Thankfully, I still have some friends, but you know what they say... (Actually, I don’t know what they say. But you get it, right?)

The silver lining is that I still have all of you budaflies, just a read away. I’m eternally grateful for each of you, whoever you are.

It wouldn’t be a complete life update without mentioning my love life, right?

Hear me out then.

You all know I love love. That’s all I talk about until people start sending me messages like these... with no context or close connection.

I think I’ve identified my biggest issue

My walls are so high that no one can climb them. Those who manage to scale them often do so because I push them up before they’re ready. I pursue what I want, but apparently, I’m terrible at it. I think my boldness is cute, but it often comes off as forceful and crude—embarrassing, even. But who says I care?

And therein lies my problem. Eventually, people I want to love become projects and checklists. Did this, done that, looking forward to this—but for what?

Megye de3n? What am I truly seeking?

I chase what I want until it no longer looks appealing, or with a slight misstep, I’m out! Then I find myself claiming, “I’m in my soft girl era!” Ah well, I’m still pursuing my dreams, so who knows? Maybe my boldness will pay off someday. Never have I heard of anyone finding love by simply being there. But I’ll learn better ways—a mix of soft girl and bold. My roommate advises patience, so I’m currently basking in the grace of time.

Speaking of time and patience, I doubt my fellow Ghanaians would agree anyone faced with the current situation in the country needs that. Truth be told, having a job even,  is hard to save you from this hot, tormenting economy.

But tell me, do you have a job?

I thought the worst had happened when my application was mistakenly processed differently. Remember, I hadn’t completed my National Service before leaving for my mission, so that was a priority upon my return.

Thankfully, after pulling a few strings, I found a spot in a reputable company to complete my National Service. For the next few months close to a year, I’ll be working in the Travels department of The Africa West Area of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I’m enjoying it so far—no bias, I promise! I just finished my first full week, so there’s not much to share yet.

I’m also following my passions on the side. Unfortunately, I can’t shout about it just yet, but you’ll be the first to know when I can!

And that’s it! That’s my life update—everything you need to hear. I’m looking forward to spending more time here with all of you, both new and old. I can’t wait to explore who I’m becoming and what that looks like here. I honestly don’t know what we are to expect but look forward to loads of bigger and better things!

P.S. If you’re wondering whether I’ve cried yet, here’s a sneak peek into the night I cried after being back. Initially, I planned to announce my return with that, but a life update felt more fitting.

“For the first time since being back, I cried. And these were premium tears—those tears you shed at 1:06 AM on a Saturday, looking ahead to another day of doing absolutely nothing. Honestly, let’s just blame Maverick City; their lyrics hit hard!” Journal entry [01/09/24]

After that night, I decided to go wherever my legs could take me. I travelled back and forth between events and places. Fortunately, I didn’t have to do most of it alone. Technically, I travelled alone, but I travelled to be with people. During one of those trips I learned the importance of “gathering your village.”

Faced with fears and doubts since returning, it would’ve been easy to drown in despair. But I learned to gather my village.

So, to you as well: Gather your village. Face the silence and whatever feelings arise, be it abandonment or fear. If you don’t have anyone to turn to, I’m here for you. When you can’t hold yourself up, having a village to support you is lifesaving.

Now talk to me, How have you been?

I’d love to hear from you. It’s been a while!

Still, NaBi🦋🖤